I've decided that Kiel can never go away. Sure, he can meet a girl, get married, whatever, but so long as she understands, I found him first, and she needs to find someone else to be her bestfriend, cause I've got dibs on him.

Hung out with Josh last night. It was instigated on rather Hi Fidelity terms. I wanted to make out with someone because I had a bad night. Weird, that that image didn't pop into my head until this morning though. We didn't make out, which is good. Actually, the night was a lot different than I had imagined in the manic half hour before arriving. I met his roommates, and their friends, who all seem really awesome. Had I not been so wired, I might have jumped in on the poker game, provided they didn't actually want the money I dont have right now.

A good portion of the night included a great conversation between, Josh, Anthony and I. I could have listened (and of course participated) forever. I like the exchange of ideas. I like to meet (and know) people who are thinkers. Hell, so long as they're thinking about anything, to a reasonable degree, it's nice to now them, because so many people don't seem to take the time to think about anything for a significant period.

I had left Josh's place, proud of myself for not making out with him. I don't mean any offense in this, but moreso that I'm proud I didn't let a moment of weakness or hormones take my current relationship with him back to a period of confusion and frustration. Granted, I can't deny that I felt ______ when he and I talked on the phone, and was happy to hear I wasn't the only one feeling something as well...but I can't ...risk? feeling like the fool again. I'd like to joke about just wanted to make out with someone, anyone, and have it be that, but I know it wouldn't be. My casual encounter days have long since passed. Even Eric couldn't be casual cause we work together, and I, whatever. I don't think I've lost my romanticism, but I know, as Lillard said last night, 'i've been down that path before, I know what's down there.' The hardest parts about having feelings for an ex, is knowing that, it didn't work out before. You lose the hopeful blindness, because you have fact in your brain.

Brian Norton what? ssshhhhh....