This dream, last night, had me petrified while I was dreaming it.

I was at some military base. I don't know why. It was divided into islands. The one island, was inhabited by zombies. The military men would be hunting around it during the day, the back at base at night.

I was in this guy's room, looking out the window, scared stiff, by the image of the island I could see from it. I asked him how they could allow such a place to be. I asked him why anyone would want to be there. Mostly, I was scared because zombies were real, and at any moment, I could find myself surrounded by them.

I hid out in his room, clinging to anything, trying to feel safe and protected. After awhile, it was like I couldn't even speak. This guy became my protector. He had time left before he could leave base. (No ships or planes seemed to come or go, either.) Time passed, and it became like the Swiss Family Robinson.

I made friends with a shopkeeper on the island. Some shops seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. Maybe the zombies had been cleaned up. Ay any rate, I was mute by this point. She served a friend of mine and I some pizza, which we devoured. She had candies and balloons, and I was looking for a present for the man, now my husband. Next door was her competitor, and for some reason I was over there, but back again to straightened the first store, now closing for the day.

Some siren went off, and I was climbing a high ladder, or crossing a bridge, that became disconnected. I gripped on tightly, while my husband came to rescue me. People were suspicious of me, but he defended me, to the death if needbe, I think. He came and saved me, prying my fingers off, and I think I started screaming, then talking, only a word or so. It was his birthday, and we were going to celebrate on the beach. We were older now, much older than when I was the young, scared girl in his army base room. His hair was grey, even a beard, and a tanned body of muscle, from whatever it was he did all day. I was Biblical, wearing rags, with messy dark brown hair, but at the same time, Bjorkian.



****

It didn't seem so cluttered when I dreamt it. The fear being a bigger part. There was something in there about how some men were on the island later, almost at night, fighting creatures like a video game. I couldn't imagine being outside, on our island, at night, or even at all afterawhile. The thick metal with bulletproof windows felt as safe as I was going to get.

As for now, it's 9am. I've been awake on my own. Still a product of being in Michigan I think. And even though I'm quite awake, I'm wondering if I shouldn't maybe go back to sleep, considering I have no idea when I'll get out of work tonight. Then there's part of me that wants to nerd out. I mean, why the hell not, our dial up connection has been going strong for over 21 hours. Something I've never seen it do before.

I might be hanging out with Ping sometime. That'll be cool, and weird. I haven't seen ANYONE from Dekalb is a really long time. Jason doesn't count as he wasn't part of my original group of friends. I told Ping about a daydream I had, where I went away and met a new Ping, new Michelle, New Josh. I wasn't entirely happy about that. I didn't want new ones. I was fine with the first ones...but things happen. It's the same when I saw this guy, Eric? at my work. He's pretty cute. Might change my mind about getting involved with someone new. When I looked at his features, I thought, a mix of Brian and Chad, with a little Chad. The eyes were that dark brown color I simply adore. But the more I looked at him, the more I thought, he's his own flavor. I shouldn't compare. I want a new person to be just that. New. No associations. Especially ones that will taint my impression. I'm thinking though, when I tried to help him make his shoulder feel better (he said it needed to be popped or something), that when I was pulling on it, I felt like he was spoken for, male or female. Just a weird vibe, like, even though I was nice and friendly, and now worked there, that somehow I was ...intruding?

It's almost the same feeling I got from this girl I met at the studio where Daniel and I will be shooting. She and I met, after Julie, another girl for the shoot, left. (Julie was really neat, and totally reminded me of Julia.) This second girl, had really neat chunky colored hair. All sorts of colors from black to platinum, with reds and browns. I even touched it when I said so. She spent the whole time the three of us were talking, staring at me. Not at my dress, as my mom thought, (she thinks it's outrageous, even though it's a proper dress, just vintage.) This girl stared at my face. Brian had come with me (one of the best nights, oddly enough, that I've spent with him in a long time.) and she asked me if he was my boyfriend. Straight out, just like that. Hehe. If he was my boyfriend (again) he might have atleast stood next to me or something, instead of moping in the corner, making me feel bad about taking him away from a night of drunk TV watching. Sorry, digital cable TV watching. =P

So I couldn't tell if what I was getting was a lesbian vibe, or a competitive vibe. What did she have to compete with me over? It's not like I'm going into modeling. Or really trying my hardest at this acting thing. I just thought a photoshoot would be tons of fun. (and with what ideas Daniel has told me, I have a feel it will be!) That was just weird. The constant stare, even though Daniel was talking to her.

Daniel also thought, once again, that I was in highschool. I'll have to ham that up in some pictures then, maybe I'll get lucky and I can be on Dawson's Creek til I'm 40!

Talking to Theron is like little rays of sunshine on a murky, bog-like day.

Spent some days in Michigan. Did lots of thrift store shopping.

First night I was there, I looked at my bed, the one by the window, and the first thought that came to me, 'I was sitting there, staring out the window at night, during my 17th Birthday, thinking of Bill.' Only goes to show that there is a gap now. I don't think about him. Which is good and bad.

I don't know why I'm online so much. I guess I both love and hate it. AIM even moreso. I'm signed on as much as possible, but I never talk to anyone. It doesn't hold the same thrill it used to. I guess I'm not that hard up to socialize. It's not even that, either. Last night I thought about how I don't have a boyfriend, and might not for awhile, and it didn't bother me at all. I can't really see myself meeting someone new and actually hooking up with them. I don't even want to. Unless it's Dream Guy. But, I guess you could say sanity took over, cause he's becoming the distant memory as well.

I'm not too excited about going to my new job tonight, but at the same time, I know I need the money. I'd rather be checking out the studio where my photoshoot will be, and talking to Daniel. Not happening though, unless I get out of work REALLY early. Which, also, probably won't happen.

After I drove my mom to school this morning, I drove past where Dave Ramirez used to live. I pictured myself randomly passing him, on the street, and having this moment. We must have been in seperate cars, because we couldn't really talk, but I told him to get my info from Pat. So we could talk. When I thought about it. I began to wonder if Pat would even be able to pass it along. I'm sure he knows how to get in touch with me, if need be, but it's not something he does.

Was talking to Lillard last night. He said that Zac IMed him and told him to tell me hi. Weird. Considering Zac should be able to say this to me, but then again, I probably don't have his SN. Lillard and I were also talking about how we don't seem to talk to anyone anymore. That's what people you meet become- people you knew. Right now, I've got my buddylist cut down to 57 people. Anymoney says I could easily trim it to 20 and still be ok. I should. It's probably not healthy to think so and so might actually want to talk to me. I don't have self-esteem problems, I just live in the Time dimention, and so what's relevant to me, is out of order for others.

Charity still has my movie, and I'd like to watch it. =/