Last night, I dressed up in a white bra, white slip, white panties, and black shoes. With the aid of Warren, Kiel, and some alcohol, we made our way to a party on the north side. I met someone from MySpace. He was very awesome. Then I met someone from CL. We picked her up at the theatre where Rocky Horror was supposed to be showing last night, and we kidnapped her to the party. Back at the party, she and I, in our Rocky gear, made some noise. She was wearing a corset (heather btw) and falling out of it as is the style. And she made out with Kiel, which is great considering she's a lesbian. hehe.

I got a kiss on the cheek and big time cuddling time from Dustin. My zombie slaying friend. We talked movies, music, comics. He's so very. Kiel says I owe him big time, cause he pushed me into Dustin's lap and told Dustin to kiss me. But like, I'm sure I would have charmed myself somewhere anyway. Like, I myself almost kissed Heather, but Liza Minelli wouldn't have it.

All in all, much fun was had, even as we were running Kiel away from the scene of the crime so they wouldn't bust my unfortunate friend.

And thanks to the power of water and drugs, I may make it through today without problems. ;)

Silly, silly girl.

What am I waiting for? I've been asking for signs, hoping for fate, and I get it, at every turn.

So what am I afraid of? In reality, I'm a coward onto myself, because I'm afraid of me, and my ideas.

I want endless options, but how many choices have I been making?

I'd like to say, I'm misinterpreting the signs, as I've done before, but it's kind of funny the way they're coming to me.

I really don't want this ambiguity, but like I said, I'm a coward. I want to live so free and unrestrained, but at the same time, I'm holding myself back, because I'm afraid there is no net at the bottom of the trapeze. If I knew I was doing everything right, I wouldn't have to worry about the netting, but I've falling before...

Granted, I did survive, just a few cuts and bruises, but how lucky do I think I'll get a second time?

Fear, Patrick Swayze, fear and love.

I've decided that Kiel can never go away. Sure, he can meet a girl, get married, whatever, but so long as she understands, I found him first, and she needs to find someone else to be her bestfriend, cause I've got dibs on him.

Hung out with Josh last night. It was instigated on rather Hi Fidelity terms. I wanted to make out with someone because I had a bad night. Weird, that that image didn't pop into my head until this morning though. We didn't make out, which is good. Actually, the night was a lot different than I had imagined in the manic half hour before arriving. I met his roommates, and their friends, who all seem really awesome. Had I not been so wired, I might have jumped in on the poker game, provided they didn't actually want the money I dont have right now.

A good portion of the night included a great conversation between, Josh, Anthony and I. I could have listened (and of course participated) forever. I like the exchange of ideas. I like to meet (and know) people who are thinkers. Hell, so long as they're thinking about anything, to a reasonable degree, it's nice to now them, because so many people don't seem to take the time to think about anything for a significant period.

I had left Josh's place, proud of myself for not making out with him. I don't mean any offense in this, but moreso that I'm proud I didn't let a moment of weakness or hormones take my current relationship with him back to a period of confusion and frustration. Granted, I can't deny that I felt ______ when he and I talked on the phone, and was happy to hear I wasn't the only one feeling something as well...but I can't ...risk? feeling like the fool again. I'd like to joke about just wanted to make out with someone, anyone, and have it be that, but I know it wouldn't be. My casual encounter days have long since passed. Even Eric couldn't be casual cause we work together, and I, whatever. I don't think I've lost my romanticism, but I know, as Lillard said last night, 'i've been down that path before, I know what's down there.' The hardest parts about having feelings for an ex, is knowing that, it didn't work out before. You lose the hopeful blindness, because you have fact in your brain.

Brian Norton what? ssshhhhh....

I almost cried at work today.

Somehow, I lost all my tips. Minus, well what I paid for dinner. I know I made tips, but when I cashed out, all I have left what was Heather gave me for pizza.

I think it broke my manager, Rita, 's heart when I gave the bartender tip out an extra dollar. She was willing to go digging through the trash with me to find my money, but I'm pretty sure the bag was in the dumpster, and well, Kiel can tell anyone about my OCD.

It's really called microphobia, but whatever.

And word on the street (from Heather's mouth) is that Eric isn't into dating right now, and definitely NOT into dating co-workers. I replied, to her, I don't need to date him to fool around with him. That got me a hug. From her.

So like, if any cute boys with brown eyes want to make out with me, hunny, I'm all yours.
Hell, if any cute boys with brown hair want to make out with me...ditto.

Oh what the hell, if any cute girls....

Co-worker, Mark (?), asked me today if I was married. I smiled, no. I didn't have to, but I added, I don't even have a boyfriend. He replied, I'll fill the spot.

/sigh...

Why is it so easy for some people?

And why aren't those people...Eric or *you*.

Today is a beautiful amazing day. I took care of school, which is awesome. And drove through downtown, like actual downtown, on my way home, and it was great. I felt so relaxed and peaceful. I wanted to yell at some cretin who was honking his horn at a taxi driver for not speeding when the light changed green.

Randolph and Wabash. /sigh. <3 I think I more than one beautiful summer at that location.

With weather like this, I think there is still a chance to have a beautiful summer this year.

I feel like I'm in love with everyone, all at once.

kiss me, you're beautiful.

I want to fall in love.

Either that or burn the tv my mom leaves on all the time.

Will & Grace is such a great show. I'm starting to think Kiel is my Will, minus the gay thing.

But then Dharma and Greg came on, the first episode kinda thing, and it was like...I want to fall in love.

But at the same time, I can't say that there is someone out there for me. If he figures me out (i want to shout at the top of my lungs now) I usually...i don't know...i probably change so he doesn't know me.
And for those who don't figure me out...I'm not interested.

I want someone I can't figure out. I want someone I can't grasp, but I can hold onto all night long.
A spark, a light in the dark. Something shiny.

Yes. I want something shiny.

A good kissing shininess.

With deep brown eyes.

*I remember eyes that shined as they looked so hard, back into mine.*

*all i want is you*

Today is supposed to be 'talk like a pirate' day, according to my Captain Ashley.

But I'm not cool enough to talk like a pirate.

I was cool enough to hang out with co-workers last night, uncluding my head server boss, who is trying to get me to pass my food test. Apparently, although I'm not a big time drinker, I passed my alcohol test in one shot. (no pun intended). But this food test evades me. I made Kristen laugh though. One question is: Did you like this test. I change my answers up of course. Last night was, 'it gets better every time i take it.'
Tonight, I think it will say, 'It's leading me to alcoholism.'

Robin said if I don't pass today, I'm out of a job. How ridiculous right? I don't answer what a bacon topping on a burger costs correctly, and I have to stay home, playing video games and sleeping late...

wait, wait, no, I want to keep this job. Or do I?

I have a poll going now. Trying to decide on my Halloween Costume.
Here goes, feel free to answer. I'd make an actual poll with coding, but fuck off, I'm lazy.

Garnet -ff9 (don't actually vote for this one)
Yuna -ff9
Riku -ffx (I'd rather have the next one)
Sheena - tales of symphonia (she's got blue-purple hair!)
Alice -Resident Evil 2-the movie. Cause it's easier to make and she kills zombies.

So let me know, all two of you who are reading this.

*wink*