Sweetheart, I ask no more than this,
a kiss to build a dream on.


Drinking = fun.
Drinking around people you like = interesting.
Drinking three days in a row while on little sleep and less food = bad idea.

Getting involved with ex boyfriends = heart breaking.

I keep thinking about him, and we talk, but it's like...I really shouldn't have gone over there, but at the same time, I want to be there right now. I want him to hold me, and have that warm, safe, secure feeling of his arms around me.
Instead, I get to curl up under four blankets with Louis Armstrong in my head.

Do I even want a relationship? I feel like I'm dating three or four people right now. It's ok, I guess, I mean, I'm everything I hated about Josh three years ago, this week, but I haven't been too happy with myself in like a week.
I know I don't want sex.
I know I just want cuddling, and social fun.
And if it happens to be with the girl in my class who winked at me today...well, that's even better. But she's an actor, granted, stunt actor, but she's still got the obnoxious tendencies I can't stand in actors.

My nickname at school is Rainbow, and people think I'm stoner.

If I kept my mouth shut, all weekend, I wouldn't be in this mess. You can't drink, make out, and say stupid things when your mouth is clamped shut.

Dammit, Brian.

Dammit all of you that I've ever had feelings for. Damn my heart for having said feelings.

And words of advice, Don't EVER fucking say I love you to someone unless you plan on saying it forever.

***
Massage party this weekend.